The time someone from my team resigned
I guess it had to happen at some point…
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I’ve never led big teams. It’s mostly been 1 to 3 people, very manageable. So the chances for me to experience this have been pretty slim.
But it happened. Someone from my team resigned 2 weeks ago.
She arranged one of those we need to talk meetings and my stomach immediately contracted.
How I honestly took it vs. How I officially took it
I’m not gonna lie to you. I felt hurt, I didn’t expect it. After all, I was a resignation virgin.
A myriad of thoughts rushed through my head as she was speaking:
- Did I screw this one up?
- Am I a bad boss?
- Why didn’t I realise?
- Was it something I said in the last meeting?
- How will I tell my manager?
However, I tried really hard to put those thoughts aside and stay as present as I could during the call.
The questions I actually asked were more like:
- Is there a specific reason why you’re resigning that you’d like to share with me or with others? Some learning we can take for the future?
- Is there any way that we can make you stay?
Or more pragmatic questions like:
- When would your last day be?
- How can I help you during the remaining time?
- What’s the status of your current projects?
- Do you still have holidays to take or expenses to claim?
- Would you like me to write a reference letter?
The first question was the trickiest. Of course, I wanted to know the exact details of why she was leaving, where she was going, and if she hated me. But that’s not really fair. So I just opened the space for her to speak and hoped.
Long story short, she’s definitely leaving the team, I got the feedback that I needed, the offboarding machine is running full steam and I made my peace with it.
This experience brought a few learnings I would like to share with you. Just in case, you know, you’re a shit boss too. 😊
What to do if someone from your team is resigning:
- Take a moment to digest the news: Don’t react impulsively and say something you might regret. Act professionally during the call, and take the time afterwards to organise your thoughts. Ask for a follow-up call if needed.
- Don’t take it personally: Most likely you’re not the only reason why this person is leaving the company. Remember the last time you quit a job? Was it only about one thing?
- Self-reflect: Create the space for them to speak and have the curiosity to find out what to improve in the future. But read the room. If they don’t want to share, respect it.
- Be a nice person: No matter how good/bad/weird/tense the working relationship was, you don’t want to make their last days miserable. Organise a goodbye call, prepare a farewell e-card, etc. Be someone your parents would be proud of.
- Negotiate: Discuss with them all the practicalities about their leaving. They might want to leave earlier than expected but you might have a project that needs finishing. Try to find a sweet spot where you‘re both happy (or sad).
And once all of this is done, gather your remaining energy to open up the position and do it all over again. 👍
